Embrace the struggle
Teaching clients (and yourself) to sit with discomfort.
A few weeks ago, I attended the Core Collective Fall Seminar (you can read a recap of it here). One speaker, Ben Getman, is a mental health professional who presented on training clients with anxiety. He mentioned the importance of normalizing discomfort and not over assuring clients. This is something I’ve struggled with as a coach and something I think we can all keep in mind, whether you’re a coach or student.
What does it mean to normalize discomfort? I see it as allowing people to sit with their discomfort without jumping in to “save” them, however that may look. This is closely related to the concept of distress tolerance, or our ability to manage actual or perceived emotional distress without immediately trying to escape it. Some people have built a wider skillset for handling distress while others may struggle, especially in unfamiliar settings (like a new training environment). As coaches, we can help clients build this capacity by not immediately removing every moment of discomfort. Instead, these moments can become powerful opportunities to build confidence and competence.
Coaches love to help people, and I’ll speak for myself when I say that it can sometimes be hard to watch people struggle. It’s tempting to jump in and either cut a set or interval short, change a movement, or simply cheerlead a little too much. While there is of course a time and place for this, it’s counterproductive to interfere every time a client struggles. Our job as a coach is to help someone achieve their goals, and this usually involves leaving one’s comfort zone at some point.
As someone who works mostly with gen-pop clients who are usually brand new to training, many are hesitant, skeptical, and even fearful of load. They don’t necessarily believe in their abilities yet, and if they’re new to working with you, they probably also don’t fully trust their coach. After all, that trust needs to be earned. In these instances, letting clients work through their discomfort is one of the most empowering opportunities you can give them.
What does this look like? It may be performing a new skill that is uncoordinated and therefore frustrating. Other times, it might be getting their heart rate up, which can induce feelings of panic. Either way, we as coaches need to learn to sit with our own discomfort too. But how do we do this?
First, we watch them. If their technique is breaking down on a high-risk movement, it may be time to call it. If they’re noticeably frustrated and seem to be spiraling, it might also be a good time to take a break or reset. But if they’re frustrated and working through it, let them be.
Next, try not to let your own anxiety and insecurities get in the way. When in doubt, stop talking and let them work. Don’t over cue! It’s normal to feel a sense of urgency when you see your client getting frustrated or overwhelmed. You may start to throw every cue you know at the movement in an attempt to fix things. But as you’ve probably observed, this often just makes matters worse. This is a good time to be quiet and only intervene when necessary. Try not to smother them with reassurance. Your client may end up feeling like they need to take care of you so you’re not also flustered. While offering a word or two of encouragement can be helpful, try not to overcompensate.
Lastly, we don’t need to always rely on our words as coaches. In fact, our body language can communicate just as much, if not more. Chances are you’ve had a client who is nervous about deadlifting, steps up to the weight, and then looks hesitant. This is not the time to reflect that back to them! Since I assume you believe they’re ready for the movement, try using your body language to communicate confidence and calmness. If you’re not nervous, why should they be?
So remember, when working with clients, ask yourself, “Is this my discomfort or theirs?” Sometimes this can be hard to differentiate, but this is a skill that develops with experience. When in doubt, remember the golden rule—say (and sometimes do) less.